9: Hello, Mr. F

A nice evening, guys. I know I haven’t been able to post for some time, since I was grounded and stuff, but we won’t breach that subject. While going through almost four days of no internet, I managed to stock up on topics that I found intriguing.

And I know you’re reading this, lady. *smirks*

For my sake, I won’t be naming anyone except for myself, so only those who have working knowledge of this whole affair will know which person is which.

So last Wednesday, the 20th of July, I was having second thoughts about going home early. Every 6:00 pm after school, I always have this small struggle with myself. Do I go home early or not? I always feel as if I still have something else to do in school, but in the end I disregard the whole thing and step outside the gate.

I believe it was the same day that Yasmin treated me and Elinor to some taho and ice cream. (Okay, maybe I’ll name a few.) Anyway, after both Yasmin and Elinor have left, I walked around the campus for a few minutes. After some exercise, I decided it was time to go. As I left the school, I saw Mr. Cutie buying some taho. I thought he was going back in the school so he could go home with someone, so I went on my way. While walking towards UN Avenue looking for jeeps, I saw him walking in the same direction alone. My eyes were glued to him until I found my ride home, and even then, I watched him like a hawk until he disappeared from view altogether.

But he didn’t leave my head just yet. My mind hummed as I scanned through my memories of him. We didn’t have much, just some minor chatting and the occasional hi-five. To grant unlimited freedom to my thoughts, I unchained it and let it fly around.

Why? This was the primary question. It was always in every question my mind created. Why are you not talking to her? Why did you leave her hanging like this? Why won’t you do anything at all? All these questions piled up until my mind rebelled and smacked me with the same questions. At that moment I shut down my thoughts. We are not doing this routine again. You have lost someone you can never get back again. There is no point in reflecting.

But maybe there’s still a little hope. Maybe you two can still be friends at least. Just stay under the radar. Watch out for her mom. My soft, kind and overly optimistic self tried.

No, I replied harshly. You don’t love her anymore, right? That’s what you told me. You said that she was being too protective, too territorial of something she didn’t have anymore.

But she was just trying to get you back-

Shut up! Shut up! Shut your yap! I don’t want to hear any more of this stupidity. She hurt you, you hurt her, you separate. That’s it.

No. I won’t. You’ve lied to yourself too much. You know deep inside that you want her back.

I-I wanted her back. Past tense.

No. You still do. You’re only afraid to disappoint your best friend. Sure, he’s done so much for you, but there are still some things that he cannot control.

How dare you?! After all that Kenshin has done for you, you ungrateful little sh*t! This is how you will repay him? Have you forgotten how he comforted you when there was no one else? When no one would help you? He was the only one who knew everything. Everything, Joshua, you know it. You can’t hide it from him.

My other self stayed quiet after that. I wouldn’t be hearing anything from him again until Friday, the 22nd of July. Earlier.

I’ve been like this for the past few weeks, having a fight with myself, usually at a stalemate. But recently, I’ve been winning against myself.

Alright, I guess that’s enough. I’ll try to post another one tomorrow. This is your blogger who is having a war against himself, The EnglishRazor, logging off. Jaa ne.