Posted in SteelRazor

45: This is My Reply part 2

Alright, so maybe that first one didn’t do it’s job too well. I had so much more to say, in fact, and I don’t want my glaring soul to be let down.

Four times I have fallen. And four times I have been caught in the illusion. And four times… I got broken. But this time… I will be the one to break. Break anything that stands in my way. Anyone, for that matter.

But hey, I didn’t say anything about friends. Let’s see…

I wouldn’t mind, as long as you don’t cross me. And from here on out, I wouldn’t care if you talk crap about my past. It’s past, for heaven’s sake. No use getting all worked up just because of a bunch of stupid, bittersweet memories.

Ah, I must prepare my stuff for tomorrow. The unwavering, breaking and… -ing SteelRazor, from this end to yours.

Posted in SteelRazor

44: This is My Reply

Well… a less than pleasant evening to all of you guys and gals. I was reading The Lost Hero when I was interrupted by a message. It was from Gmail telling me that my best friend had posted another applause-deserving work and I was obliged to like it or my head was going to end up in a sewer. Without the body attached.

Okay, you got the point. That message pulled me from Leo, Jason and Piper’s fall from Festus and into nii-chan’s story about some killer loner. And as usual, I scrolled through volumes of people’s rants and stuff. No offense intended, since I myself rant about useless things as well.

Then bam. It hit me, that one post. Well actually, every post I see hits me. (Or if I don’t see… I hit the post. Okay, bad pun.) My point here is this: for the rest of my life, I had always shut up. My parents scold me for something I didn’t do? Shut up. I get bullied a lot by my classmates? Shut up. The jeep driver didn’t return my change? Shut up. For the longest time, I had no voice. I rarely voice out my opinions and feelings, knowing full well no one would even bat an eyelash. My patience was longer than anything you could imagine. Anger? Not my style. I could never stay angry at someone for more than a day. I just keep my mouth shut, accept all the beating, cursing, and discriminating thrown at me.

But I’ve had enough.

I’m done being a slave to my own weakness, my kindness. I’m done getting cursed at by people. I’m done getting bullied. I’m done with people not hearing out my opinions and feelings. I am done with my old, stupid, and soft self. And so I followed my best friend’s advice.

From here on out, I will shatter all my feelings for everyone and seclude myself with an impenetrable aura of coldness. You want me to stay away? Sure, wish granted. You wanted me to shout back at you? Fine. You wanted to know why I didn’t wash the dishes? Here’s my answer. You wanna know why I fed the enemy Yasuo? I’ll yell it in your ears. You bully me a lot? Alright, watch out for my fists.

I’ve tried for a decade. I have tried if kindness will work. I tried if being passive will pay off. But no. The easy way wasn’t as easy as I thought. So let’s try the hard way this time.

Here’s my answer: I’m done getting hurt. I’m done falling in love. Let me die a bachelor, I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass. Let my love life be covered by cobwebs and dust, I won’t bat an eyelash, the same way 9/10 of all the people I cared about didn’t care for me. Lose me once, I’ll give you many more chances. That was the old me. Now lose me once, f*ck off.

Now I fully understand why my best friend is a bit antisocial. Now I understand why some guys prefer men over women. Now I understand for the first time how it feels to be cold and vengeful, very different from the old me, caring and loving.

I have learned to face loneliness. I have learned to blanket my heart with a steel shroud. I have learned how to be antisocial. Which is very, very unlike the old me.

Alright, that’s enough ranting. This is your colder and uncaring SteelRazor, shutting down.

Posted in SteelRazor

43: June 22

A chilly and dark morning, everyone. I’m awake quite early because I slept quite early as well. Apparently my brain is hardwired to 5 hours of sleep. Yeah… that’s… that’s all the sleep I need.

Aight, to the post.

That date, June 22… it holds a special event in my heart, but recently, that memory has been painted with a bitter shade of pain. Kind of like a double-edged sword that I swung around and accidentally impaled myself (though physically that does not seem possible).

Just to let you guys down, I won’t talk about what happened on that day. The real point that I am trying to make here is, how can a certain date have a rattling effect on a person? What scientific explanation can give an answer to my question?

He thought that he was sooo over her and stuff. He believed that there was no more of that old, ripped thread that used to bridge their… their feelings. He used to have… he used to care for her in a way no one else did. And now… he firmly believes that all has been finished. He believes that there is no more. The end.

…then why? Whenever 15 comes by, his mood darkens. His infinite well of energy is strangely empty. And there is another him, but younger… by about 9, 10 months, following him, staring at him. He does not talk, yet his thoughts are clear. He does not show emotion, yet his pain is reflected. He was me, months ago, now eerily distorted by the cruel hands of time and irony.

2. 4. 6. 15. 16. 18. 22. I can name even more dates that can affect people in ways unimaginable. But, it does not neccessarily have to be a negative effect all the time.

How? Why? I’ll need even more time and experience to be able to answer that.

This is your dormant and now reawakening SteelRazor, over and out.

Posted in Jokes

Joke #5

Credits to Paulo of Grade 9 for this wicked and sick pun. Also, this one pun marks the beginning of the “Better Puns For Cancer” age. Anyway, here’s the pun.

Why do bears wear jackets?

Because the cold is unbearable.

*dabs*

Posted in SteelRazor

42: Curses

I’m halfway done with my Setting story, so I decided to take a short break. And I thought that this old draft deserved to be finished and published, since it reflects a part of me inside.

I believe we all know what curses are, right? It’s this. This f*cking word right here. That’s cursing right there. (Okay, I’m teaching wrong sh*t, wait.) Yeah… yeah, I’m pretty sure you guys know what curses are. And I’m also pretty sure you have cursed at least once in your life. You can’t be the cleanest person in the world, someone who’s never said a single curse word in their whole life.

Yeah, I understand, curses are f*cking bad and that we shouldn’t say them, but the point is, society teaches us to say our feelings openly, and curses are, unfortunately, one of the most effective ways to openly say what we’re feeling or thinking. Like, when you stub your little toe on a corner, saying “Ouch, that hurt bad” isn’t going to cut it well, but if you say “Ow f*ck!”, well, that’s kind of satisfying. I don’t know… that’s how I see things. Maybe it’s just because I’m so used to cursing already. In my case, almost every sentence I make always comes with at least one curse word.

But, at least I don’t curse like those gang-like guys out there, who curse like “P*tangina” or “G*go”. (Well, sometimes.) Usually, I curse in English, since it feels… cleaner? Better? I can’t put a finger on it. It’s really hard to explain the feeling. Like, saying “f*ck” seems more stylish than saying “g*go”. (I’m going to get so bashed for this f*cking post, I swear.)

And one more thing… curses, especially the word “f*ck”, really intrigues me to no end, since, out of all the English words I’ve encountered, this one word can fit virtually anywhere in a sentence and yet keep the grammar intact… somehow.

How does that work? I’ve tried it many ways, like “Oh my f*cking gosh this f*cking guy is so f*cking stupid… I don’t f*cking know what to do with this f*cking dude.” That’s like, five curses right there. And yet… the grammar holds itself together, like how some relationships hold on tight amidst all the problems against them. (I thought I wasn’t going to rant…)

Alright, enough of curses. You’ve gotten my point, seen me curse. What else do you want? Oh, a joke! Right, right.

Alright, so… is AIDS fatal to humans? If so, then…

AIDS not okay to catch it.

Get it? It’s like “It’s not okay”, but instead it’s “AIDS not okay”. Get it? Yes? Alright, that’s stage 2 cancer, you’re welcome. This is your f*cking SteelRazor, getting off the net before you can bash me and my post to pieces. See ya… guys. (I so wanted to call you guys “retards”, but I guess that would be too much already.)

Note: Oh, also I learned to curse in English during Grade 8. Yeah, f*ck you Dominic for teaching me this.

 

Posted in SteelRazor

41: Procrastination at Its Finest

Believe it, people. It’s quarter after twelve, and I haven’t finished a single assignment yet. Well, I have started on two of them. That leaves three more for me to do within… let’s say three hours, given that I still have to sleep at three in the morning. Though… I don’t think that’s quite advisable.

Instead of focusing on what I have to do, I did what I want to do (that’s basically the whole idea of procrastination). At times, what I want to do and what I have to do coincide with each other, and I become beautifully productive. Also I become beautifully productive from ten in the evening until two in the morning, no other time. And I’m running out of time, it’s 1:58 am right now.

Wow, I have no idea where those two hours went, it’s like it was pulled out of my grasp, snatched away from me, just like everything I ever wanted-yeah, I’m not going to rant today, I’m f*cking tired of ranting about emotional stuff and all that bullsh*t. I’ll take a break from ranting for now and focus on my topics.

Basically, I’m technically not procrastinating right now, since this blog post is a requirement of sorts, but it does keep me from doing my immediate requirements, like my Economics Reflection, my Setting story thingamajig*, among other things.

Alright, I’ve reached the limit of my procrastinating. I have to go deal with those reqs now, lest I get rekt by them.(Get it? Cause reqs, rekt?) I suck at this…

Alright, that’s it for the EnglishRazor. He’s gonna go now and do his assignments, so catch ya later, gators. (forgot which book I got that from)

*I actually thought it was going to show that red wavy line underneath that says “Hey sir, this word is not spelled right, so get the cursor back here and fix this”, but it didn’t so I was like “Whoa… so thingamajig is a word”. Just saying.

Also I’m high.  Also it took me an hour and 45 minutes to make that one paragraph up there.

Posted in SteelRazor

40: Off-Balance

Hey there, guys. I don’t know what happened much with the weather since I slept the moment I got in the house (not really, of course I changed first before crashing on my bed). It’s been a really, really long time since I last slept this good in my life. An empty start and a full ending. An empowered awakening. (Wtf that sounded like it’s from a game or something.)

The point is, I woke up feeling completely refreshed and rejuvenated, not like waking up during the morning, where I have to deal with the tortuous ringing of my devilish phone’s annoying alarm. Whenever that one tone registers in my brain, I know my temporary oblivion is over.

But of course, all things, good or bad, must come at a price. (Damn it…)

In this case… I might have been fully refreshed and stuff, but my sleeping pattern has been thrown off completely. It’s going to be an ordeal to wake up tomorrow. Either I’ll set my gear and go for an all-nighter (that’s not really advisable), or I’ll set my alarm in such a way that every minute, it starts wailing like a f*cking banshee out for my brains and blood.

Uh… what was that sound just now? I heard a peculiar sound from the kitchen. It sounded like… a saw? Something rubbing on a rough surface? O.O

…there it goes again.

I intended this post to be about a good waking up story, but it’s going to turn into some damn horror story now… I feel like one of those idiots in a horror movie, trying to find where the weird sound was coming from when they should just run away screaming for their mother’s milk. What’s worse, everyone else is upstairs already… ugh, goddammit. (I don’t know how to censor that curse, so I left it intact.) I tend to get spooked easily, and I admit I’m afraid of ghosts. I just tough it out and act manly and all whenever I’m with someone else.

Anyway, I got a long evening ahead of me, so I have to go now. Your ghost-fearing SteelRazor, over and out. Sayonara.

 

Posted in BloodRazor

39: BloodRazor’s Last

A cold evening, readers.

I’m pretty sure that many of you had friends that you didn’t meet for a long time, and when you met them again, they’re different. Their looks, their style, their attitude, even their way of talking. At this point, most of us say that the person has changed. He’s not the same as back then. He could be better or worse than before.

But I don’t think so. I don’t think people change. A person can never change. We were not created to change. When we were born, we were born complete. People do not change. They are just adding onto themselves. If he was quiet and shy before, and now he’s active and talkative, then he added those bits and pieces to himself. He could have picked them up from new friends or from the environment surrounding him.

A person does not change. He adds onto himself.

However, there are times when your friends slowly stop talking to you, stop interacting with you. This might be unnoticeable at first, but it gradually develops. This process of “unfriending” takes time, just like everything else. You get farther and farther until it becomes awkward when you try to talk to them.

At this point, you’ll say that you have “lost your friend”.

And yet again, I beg to disagree. You don’t lose friends. You don’t make friends. When you become close to them, your friend is born. He enters your life, becomes a part of it. You talk to each other, eat lunch together, make assignments together. But at some point, because of a rift that you couldn’t solve, you start to drift away from each other. And when that happens, your friend dies… and a stranger is born. He leaves your life and is reborn as a new person outside of your life.

I’ve had friends who died before. I’ve had friends who added onto themselves. I’ve done quite much during my 16 years on this pain-riddled planet. I’ve seen and done some things that a 16 year old isn’t supposed to see or do. I’ve seen things from the perspective of both a boy and a girl. I’ve determined the difference of a boy using Facebook and a girl using Facebook. I’ve been in an argument and heard both sides. I’ve listened to both sides talk sh*t about the other. I’ve been left, hurt, loved, played, trusted, lied to, cheated, accepted, rejected, protected.

I did say that BloodRazor was the representation of my suffering and pain. But it seems that even BloodRazor cannot endure this much loneliness, this much isolation.

So from here on out, BloodRazor is no more.

This is your newer, tougher and stronger SteelRazor, over and out.