Posted in Jokes

Joke #4

More cancerous puns incoming! (I once had a multitude of puns, courtesy of my stupidly awesome brain, but I forgot them, so yeah.) By the way, this one’s old, so I’m counting on you not knowing this one.

Anong hayop ang di tatablan ng baril?

PATING!!!

(What animal is impervious to guns?

SHARK!!!)

Okay that sucked… I’m gonna remove that from the post.

 

 

 

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Posted in Jokes

Joke #3

I made this one like, right now. So forgive me if you got sent to the hospital because of sudden cancer. I’ll pay for the hospital bills.

What Pokemon is a polygon? (No, not Porygon you imbeciles.)

Clue: It’s a Water type. Give up?

It’s Square-tle. (*laugh*)

 

Posted in Jokes

Joke #2

This one’s been around for some time, but it never fails to make me slap my knee. Oh, and credits to Carreon, or The Captain in the world of WordPress.

Yung blog, diba yun yung di ka na makakakita?

BLOG ka na?

(Love you, commander. *mwah*)

Posted in Jokes

Joke #1

Okay, time to spread cancer to everyone. Here’s the EnglishRazor with some of the best (or worst – take your pick) puns he’s ever made in this worthless lifetime of his. Well… sometimes I’ll just post a joke that someone else made, and I’ll credit him or her. And also, some jokes might be in Filipino, so yeah… yeah. Anyway… let the cancer fest begin!

Alam mo yung hue?

Diba yun yung pinakamalakas na bagyong tumama sa Pilipinas?

Yung bagyong HUElanda?

Yep… enjoy the cancer, guys. I’ll cook up some more.

Posted in BloodRazor

36: Good Morning

Hey, look I made a blog post before 12 pm! The ball of fire we call sun has just come up from behind the horizon. And… my brain isn’t fully functional yet. Some of my neurons are still dozing off and it’s hurting my head when I force myself to think.

Anyway, back to the topic.

Wait… that was the topic. See? Faulty brain over here. It’s just 7:20… I still have over an hour to get ready. And trust me, it takes time for me to get ready. Like, I fall asleep right after snoozing the alarm, or I sleep through it, the ringing sound distorted into a dream by my sleeping brain. (Okay, I know the brain doesn’t sleep, but you get my point, right?)

I feel like I got pulled out of my body then stuffed back in again in a hurry. You get what I mean? You probably don’t, but that’s the best way for me to describe this weird sensation. Plus this throbbing pain in my temples. I should really get out of bed now, maybe I just need to stretch my body a little. Do something productive with my time.

Oh yeah, breakfast. I haven’t eaten breakfast yet. Must coax my body out of bed so I can finally get my morning fuel.

Ugh, so much things to do, so early in the morning…

Posted in BloodRazor

35: Bored as F*ck

Arrrgh… I’m sooo booored… I don’t know what to dooo…

Why am I bored? Well I don’t f*cking know… maybe because I’m also too lazy to do anything. I’m hungry, but I’m too lazy to get downstairs and eat. I’m sleepy, but I can’t sleep yet since we’ll be leaving for Manila soon. I want to play, but the laptop’s shut off Lready and my brother is nowhere to be seen. And like what I said, I’m too lazy to stand up and look for him.

I want to rest my head on someone’s lap… lay down beside them and close my eyes. I’m bored because I don’t have anything to do, I don’t have anyone to talk to, I don’t have someone to hug and open up to. (And also, I’m sleepy.)

Still not done with my Economics Reflection… I must do it before this day ends… and not to mention the lore about the gods and goddesses we made in Humanities. Oh, someone take away my boredom and laziness…

I’m sure someday I’m going to look back at this blog post and give myself a facepalm. “Joshua, what are you doing with your life?” Well, at least I’m too lazy to feel the throbbing pain in here. Somewhere in me. I’m too lazy to care about other people… for now, there’s only me. Me and the world. No other humans on this blue planet… except for me. All the fresh breeze is mine, all the cool freshwater is mine, all the mouthwatering food is mine, all the best clothes are mine.

But she… she can’t be mine. No sir. You have no right to have her. All you can do is watch… and be happy… and yeah. You can’t go “skadush” and escape reality the same way as Darkk Mane escapes three fed Udyrs coming after him. This life doesn’t come with a Flash or Teleport. No sir, it does not. You can’t SKT T1 Faker your way out of this.

Heh… see what boredom does to me. It makes me different. Uncaring. Cold. Smarter. But these temporary upgrades come with a very heavy price: moving around takes a sh*t ton of effort. I’d rather lie down on this sofa all day.

I feel like I can make up more legendary phrases, but I’m too lazy to make them. So, um… wait, we can’t end this post yet. Uh… we need a joke. Okay… so…

What does it feel like when there’s a heavy downpour outside?

It feels… bor-rain. Get it? It’s like boring, but instead it’s bor-rain.

Yeah… I think I’ve annoyed you enough. I should make a joke before ending my blog posts, huh… gives it a bit more… BLOGADUM!!! (Okay I’ll say so myself… that was bad.)

There’s going to be a thunderstorm soon in Manila. Guess I should be… going Thor soon. Get it? It’s like there, but instead it’s Thor. Going Thor soon. Uhm… so… have I given you cancer? Tell me if I have, so I can cook up some more that will kill you.

Okay, that’s enough. This is your annoying blogger The EnglishRazor, logging off.

Posted in Free Writing

34: Free-Writing Blog 1

Yes, this is real. I got nothing to write, so I thought maybe this should make a nice blog post. Just write and write until you can’t write anymore. (In this case, type.)

I’m currently listening to Naruto Shippuden opening songs… I know it’s a weeb thing, but come on. They got the coolness and feels mixed together. Kind of like… me. No, just kidding. I’m kind of low in the cool department.

I’m waiting for my best friend to play with me online. My close friends know that I play this game called Cardfight Vanguard, and it’s supposed to be played in real life, but luckily for me they made an online site where we can play card games. Wow, he’s taking an awful lot of time in challenging me. He might be fa-oops.

I cannot backspace that one because it’s a rule in free-writing. You cannot erase or backspace. That would erase the essence of the activity. So… sorry, nii-chan. xD

All my cousins (well, except for my big bro) are already downstairs and eating lunch. I kind of woke up late, so I ate late too. (And yeah, I can’t correct my grammar too. Sad life.) I’m still kind of full, so I don’t wanna eat yet.

Hm… Kenshin’s internet is sh*t, so we can’t play online. Dammit… I thought we’d get to play again. Oh well… there’s still later. And I’ve reached my limit here. By that, I mean my ability to type things and ideas randomly. My head is starting to bunch words and thoughts together into whole ideas, which is not exactly free-writing. (I don’t know. That’s how I define free-writing.)

This is your blogger the EnglishRazor, logging off.

Posted in BloodRazor

33: Time

Good evening, people. I’m currently here in my aunt’s house in San Pedro, Laguna, and yeah… I’m waiting till the last minute to make my assignments. I’m never really good at managing my time well. In fact, I suck an any form of managing-my allowance, my time, my things, even my life. Hah… my life is beyond managing already. It’s going on its own path that I can’t steer.

I’m rambling on a different topic. I should stay focused.

So, time. It is something constant in our world. It continues on, never stopping. It takes with it memories, feelings, and life, leaving behind pain, loneliness and death. Time can do many things.

Time can hurt. It can amplify hurt by prolonging the lies and deceptions. It can lengthen hurt by stretching illusions to near eternity. Yes, time can hurt. (It can also hurt if you throw a clock at someone. That’s got to leave a mark.)

But time can also reciprocate its own effects. It can heal. It can make a broken heart recover, it can make a deep wound heal. Time can make shattered things repaired and working again, as if nothing had happened. It can fix everything that has been broken, if given the opportunity, the chance. But time cannot remove the scars, the remnants of the hurt it had caused. No, time cannot do that.

Time can also change a person. A person who was kind and caring before can become cold and cruel. A person who was happy and optimistic can become gloomy and lonely. Time can make a man change his ideals, either for better or for worse. Someone who used to firmly believe that you should always look out for yourself before others will inevitably bend to the omnipotence of time.

Time can hurt. Time can heal. Time can shatter. Time can repair. Time can change someone. Time can do many things. It can remove memories, delete feelings, lock away friendships. It can spawn a gargantuan void between two lovers. It can push two lost souls together. It can give us a chance to talk to that one person we wish to talk to. It can make us rethink our purpose in life. It can make us love someone again. But most of all…

Time goes on. It doesn’t stop.

We just have to keep on going. Just like what Dory said in Finding Nemo, “just keep swimming”. Whatever may happen, events or misfortunes that can befall us, all we can do is keep on moving forward. Until the day comes when…

Your time is up.