Posted in SteelRazor

58: Resumed Pain

Once again, it is night. The time I dread the most, for the most fearsome beast I have encountered will awaken again and threaten to consume me.

As my head rests on my pillow, I prepare my arsenal for battle. An armload of songs that will bring on the hurt. The beast lumbers closer. I must act fast. My fingers fly across the screen, selecting a new weapon for tonight’s battle. These… are the same songs that roused the beast from its sleep several hours ago. But to release it then in front of four people would be catastrophic, so using my powerful will, I reined in the beast.

But now, it will not rest. The earphones are plugged. The songs are playing. And I lie and wait as the beast turns. It is confused at the new weapon firing at it. But seconds later, the song makes its impact. I flinch, mimicking the beast’s moves. It strains against the pain and fights back, crushing my chest in a painful hug. But I do not waver. The beast is too strong… I unleash a new weapon – a memory. A new but lethal one that strikes deep into the beast. As it howls, a tear escapes from my eye.

The pain is unbearable, but I throw more memories – digging deep into the beast while the songs pummel it. And I can’t take the crushing pain anymore. I cry. A river of tears flow down the side of my face, like the waterfall of hurtful memories crashing down on the beast.

Finally, it calms down. The monster shrinks, and I pick it up. My raging emotions are now calm, quiet. I caress the thing, peacefully resting. My eyes fall on my phone and end the playlist. It will be a while before my self-torture will begin again.

This is the EnglishRazor, who has painfully endured another night of suffering.

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With my pen, the world sits in the palm of my hand.

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