28: What Is My Fate?

My shattered feelings will always be like this… shattered. Broken. Never fixed.

The first time I fell in love, she turned me down so hard that my innocent heart that had never felt heartbreak before was shocked. It was the first time I felt such immense hurt in my chest, as if a steel hand was crushing my lungs.

The second, I wasn’t given enough time, and now I feel like my feelings for her (or what’s left of them) are suspended in time, going neither backward nor forward. I still like her, but somehow, it feels wrong… feels out of place.

The third time, she was the first girl to make me feel loved too. And it would have worked out… if not for outside interference. Interference that shaped our paths. And now, she has ended it, like cutting off the rope that attaches me to the harbor, letting me drift away into the open sea.

And the fourth? No, she doesn’t love me back. Right from the start, I knew she wouldn’t, but I let my feelings grow.

Now, what am I to do?

Can’t I just tell myself “Don’t love anymore, you’ve had too much”? Can’t I just turn off my emotions, the same way I turn off the television when there’s a thunderstorm brewing?

No. I can’t.

This is your shattered blogger the EnglishRazor, logging off.