Posted in BloodRazor

27: Too Close

Just couldn’t do it. Not enough courage. Well, don’t worry, you’ll build up enough one day. Just you wait.

Not the fall. Well, it’s the best bet, but you wouldn’t want to make a big mess out on the road. Plus, you might hit a pedestrian and take their life too. You’re only supposed to take yours. And It’s too cold, yeah. The wind is too chilly for you to fall from the sixth floor of the building.

And not the gun, too… if your dad still had it. Well… you don’t know if it was for better or for worse. If he still had it, maybe now you’ve painted the kitchen with a new color – bright red. But would you know how to use a gun? No, you don’t. See?

Finally, the knife. You actually dared to take it and put it up against your neck, all the while staring at your best friend’s words in Messenger. You’re all like where is my artery? Which way should I slice it? Should I cut the whole neck instead? or just plunge it straight into the ribcage? Wait, can I even break my ribcage? Yet you didn’t follow through, because your best friend said something that sliced through that fog in your head. Plus, you don’t want to make a mess. It’s hard enough to dispose of a dead body. Plus, your hemophobia. It might just be for a few seconds or so, but you’re still gonna see a lot of blood. And you didn’t want that.

Well, if you went on and did it, no one would actually care then. Your family, relatives, sure. Nii-chan would care. Jayzer and Jetka will care. Perhaps, even some other people will care-or pretend to care. You’d deal massive pain to everyone. What was it you said? Better them than me. Haha. Bullsh*t.

Come on, just do it. It’s like the “game over” in Mario Bros. A “the end” in a story. And you’re too weak to face all your problems, right? So you tried to coat it with some crap like “Oh, I’m doing everyone a favor, bleh bleh bleh.”

Just die, you little idiot. Why won’t you die? Because you care? Because you’re scared? Because you’ll waste so much? Because you want to see the last episode of Naruto Shippuden? Because you still have to pass your slam poetry? All these reasons… they’re just temporary things, worthless things. (Well, not the Naruto Shippuden one. I wanna see Naruto and Sasuke’s last fight in the Valley of the End.)

Well, it’s your choice, not mine. Your choice if you’ve had enough and want to rest now. This is your… uhm… blogger The EnglishRazor, logging off.

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With my pen, the world sits in the palm of my hand.

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