Posted in EnglishRazor

2: Tears

Konnichiwa, it’s the EnglishRazor again. I’m currently cramming some assignments that were supposed to be done several days ago, but hey, when you’re the God of Cramming, you do what you gotta do, right?

But of course, even while cramming, or “multitasking”, as I like to call it, I still have to make time for my writing. It’s a sort of garbage chute, where I can discard the day’s stressful feelings. Not that everything I did, saw and felt today was garbage. Some were memorable, like that encounter with my ex earlier, but now’s not the time to dig deep into long-term memory.

So, why “Tears”? I was getting to that. Roughly 9 hours ago, we had our third meeting in CWE, or Creative Writing Elective. (Yes, I know some of you insist on shortening it to CreWri, but I like to keep the old times going.) Well, third meeting for me and Cheska. It was Jheroche’s first time, so she was understandably nervous. Not to brag, but I wasn’t nervous at all during the first meeting. I was chill. confident. Too confident, perhaps. I always neglect the fact that I’m not as sharp as my pen name. It’ll take years before I can truly be the EnglishRazor.

I went off the trail. Back to the topic. There were Faraday students with us (and don’t kill me for this, but I felt like I was in a room with god-level people) so it wasn’t too sparse, nor was the room too crowded. It was the “Goldilocks” class. I mean, you know how Goldilocks ate only the porridge that was just right, not too hot or too cold? Yeah.

Anyway, when we settled down, Ms. Pariente, our CWE adviser, gave us our first free-form writing activity. The experience was so new, so alien to me. I mean, write down anything, whatever comes to your mind. Don’t think about it, just write it. Being a person who is used to carefully and painstakingly planning everything that will be written down, I was thrown off-balance. So mustering what confidence I had left, I began weaving together sentences from random words and thoughts. My creation went something like this:

“What? What am I doing? How do you write without thinking? Green leaves, red, my thumb hurts, pens, kerchief… kerchief? Goldfish? What am I writing? What’s going on?”

When we were finished, the expected happened. Ms. Pariente asked us to read our works to the class. As I listened to the others, I felt like hiding under my chair and stay there until the world is dead from nuclear warfare. (Which is so far into the future.) I mean, everyone else’ works were so polished, so perfect. And mine was trash compared to them.

While a girl from Faraday was reading her work, she began crying. I felt really shy, because to me, seeing a person cry is like seeing something you’re not supposed to see. Maybe that was why most people cry in private. Then later on, while telling everyone about her favorite books, another girl teared up too. At that point I wanted to rip myself apart because seeing people cry, it makes me feel like I’m emotionless, heartless. Especially if the one crying was a boy. (Hello, Jayzer. xD)

This scene made me think what CWE really meant. According to Shin-nii, or The Iron Samurai (I find his account name hilarious for some reason), CWE stands for Crying and Writing Elective. Well… in writing, you do express yourself in a way no other activity can, so sometimes powerful emotions can be released.

Well, it’s twilight hour now, so I must take my leave. This is your crybaby writer EnglishRazor, logging off. Jaa ne, minna.

 

 

 

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With my pen, the world sits in the palm of my hand.

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